For your dignity, you might want to stop being creepy on the internet

You might think that you are something of a cyber spy or web ghost because you created a finsta to follow that girl you hate, so you can give the illusion that you're not following her while still getting to see all her content.

Well, I have some not-so-great news for you: privacy and discretion are not really working in your favor when it comes to your phone, your computer, and the interwebz therein.

I have a little more not-so-great news: that girl whose profile you're browsing may be totally aware of it, but pretend not to be because 1) it would be humiliating for you to be exposed for your creepiness and 2) you're one person on a list of likely many others who she's aware keep a creepily close eye on her.

Analytics are F U N especially in real-time and with geotracking, cookies, and other

hors d'oeuvres

The internet is U N F O R G I V I N G.

I can't tell you how long this list is for me…sometimes it's people I interact with frequently who have no idea how much I know about how much they obsessively keep an eye on my internet life. It would be humiliating to expose them so I usually opt not to, but that's because I'm nice and a little bit awful….on this issue, the demon on my shoulder and the angel on the other are in utmost concurrence.

I've watched people stalk me through the internet. Yes, full-circle…observing people as they creepily observe me. Do I think less of them? Usually, a little bit, maybe. But I'm somewhat forgiving.

The internet, however, is not.

The person you're paying too much attention to online may know about it and not care, but your digital life is all being stored and analyzed by countless agencies who will not be so quick to forget.

If you think the things you do on your phone are actually private, you're in for some rude awakenings likely in the much-closer-than-you-think future.